it starts suddenly with a circle circular motion a sense of movement going counterclockwise and it feels it feels like it comes out of my mouth the left side of my face a scatter pattern a pattern a scatter left to right if there is a left a right a pull a circularity a circle around me above me from me I am both inside it like a big cavern a huge room a cathedral I am both the inside and the outside and I don't know I don't know how I don't know how to move or swim through this space and I keep thinking it's growing growing out of my body growing out of my face spinning out of my body and wondering where my body is and I want to relax and just wonder at the beauty of it all but a part of me a part of me is saying where am I not as in what is this place where is this place but where is my body because it's like pure consciousness without without any physical sense but I feel like I like I should be inside this space I've created instead I am the space and this time it is pastel green but another time it was pink luminescent light and it's made of me it's made of my face repeating over&over&over&over&over & like a patchwork well not really a woven fabric and it would be very peaceful except for me wondering where my body's gone where my body's gotten to and if it will ever come back or will I ever find my way back whatever that means or is so I want to let go to explore to swim and it's huge and it's vast and it's cavernous and afterwards there is this deep profound sense of regret because I couldn't stay longer it is the place I have always wanted to be it is the place I have always looked for it is me —Laura McCarthy